Independence Day

I got my drivers license July 3rd 1995, it was the second time I took the test, the first time I demolished the cones during the three point turn. I was 17 and had just graduated from High School. I remember being at the DMV with my mom and being nervous about messing up again. My mom told me to make sure that I turned the air up nice and high because it was at least 113 that day, that's what happens when you live in the middle of the desert 113 is normal. The woman called me up, I was so nervous, she asked me some questions and said she would meet me out front in five minutes. I went out to the car and turned the air up full blast. Five minutes later the woman was in my car, my hands were shaking and I was awkwardly overly polite calling her ma'am repeatedly, she said, "You are the first kid all day to cool down the car, just drive me around the block and we will get you a license." (This maybe why I have so many dings on my car, I never properly mastered the three point turn!) As we left the DMV my told me that July 3rd was my personal Independence Day, the day I got my freedom to roam.

I have spent the past three days with my dad in my hometown, my mom is visiting a friend, so my dad and I had some quality time together watching movies, cooking, and talking. It was the perfect way to get prepared for tomorrow, Day One. I am unsure how I got to be so lucky to have the amazing parents that I do. I try really hard not to take there love and zest for life for granted. I used to think that every dad knew every word to every song, that all parents sing harmony while leading a family sing along, and that every house had a costume closet, I learned later that there was something unique about Us and I was reminded of this again over the weekend.

Tonight I drove from my home town to Las Vegas where my sister lives. During the drive I sang loudly by myself and thought about what the next week is going to be like.  I arrived at my sisters house two hours later and spent the evening with her and her husband. We went to dinner and talked, and then like my big sister has done my entire life she made sure I had everything I needed for my trip. As I write this she is doing my laundry and has already found a water bottle for me to pack and I am wearing her Pajamas because mine are in the wash.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 17, a month after I got my drivers license,  and have not lived within ten hours of them for an extended period of  time in the past twenty years. This is not because I don't love them and my sister deeply, I have just been pulled to other parts of the country. I have straddled this dependent/independent line for years, and not just with my family. I often find my identity in my work, my friends, and of course my family. It is hard for me to stand up and just be me, I am much more comfortable representing someone or something; I am good at being a daughter, a sister, an employee, a friend.

Tomorrow morning on July 6th I will get on a plane and fly to Burbank, where one of my best friends will pick me up and take me to Loser Camp. She and her sister traveled this journey two years ago (You should check our there blog Phat Chances) and part of the reason I chose this place at this time in my life is because of her. She will drive me to camp and give me the soft landing that I wished for. She has made arrangements to stay and eat dinner with me, and then she will go and I will have a brand new Independence Day.

Tomorrow I will stand up and say Hi, I am Sarah, there will be no qualifiers, no networks to share, no fillers, just me, and the thought of this is equally terrifying and liberating.

Tomorrow is day one, and I am ready.