Crazy Loud Messy Life

I fundamentally believe in community.  Growing up in my house was like living in a community center. It was not until recently my parents had a key to their front door. We had an open house policy and I would often wake up to find a friend or relative sleeping on our sofa. Our house was the house that people went to, the rules were simple: be kind and try not to break anything. My mom would make sure we always had enough food and soda for the gaggle of teenagers that were traipsing in and out of the door, and my dad always had a joke and sarcastic comment.

As an adult I have created this life every place I have lived. When I lived in San Jose I had this quirky little "family", that was like living in "Reality Bites" but with smart young idealists, who smoked less pot and drank more cheap gin. We slept on thrift store sofas and played charades with made up rules. We talked about changing the world and everything we did had intention (or so we hoped). Eventually this "family" broke up, because when you are in your early twenties you move, and couples break up, and life gets bigger, and you find a new "family".

And now I have these pockets of people all over the country. This network of kind, loving, silly, smart, weird people who love me. Who want me to be well. I have a group right here in Little Rock who provide me with everything from encouragement to a kick in the ass when I need it. And I am really good at staying connected, and I am really bad at telling the whole story.

As much as I love a loud messy interdependent life I still fear what people will say. And though I have not made this blog and my journey to a healthier me "Facebook Official".  I have already heard things from people that were meant to be encouraging, but sound like judgement. That's what you get when you live in community. You get love, and you get kindness, and you get the best belly laughs, you get inside jokes, and life long friendships and you get opinions, for better or worse.

So I am going to remember that as much as I crave health, I crave having a crazy-loud-messy-life. And that is not going to be easy, but I think it's going to make this journey a lot more fun. So please, don't keep your opinions to yourself, I am choosing messy.