Meteor Shower

Summer in the desert is made for night time. When I was in high school my friends and I would sleep most of the day and then have adventures at night. It was the 90's and we lived in a poor small desert town where at midnight the temps would get down to 100 degrees. We drove cars from the 70's and early 80's with tape decks and 8-track players. There was a freedom of driving through the dark desert night with music playing while the windows were down, the hot air stinging your face was both assaulting and refreshing at the same time.

One night in the summer of '94 there was a meteor shower. I was 16 and I remember thinking that night, that this is something, something special. We all piled into our shitty cars and drove out to the new housing development on the hill. The houses were being built and the roads were all newly paved. I remember being nervous as we drove through the streets where no one lived. I was always a little nervous about everything, but this night was different. I was not nervous about what I was wearing, or if I was cool enough to hang out with these people, or if I would ever find a boyfriend. I was nervous that I would not see or feel what I was supposed to when the universe opened up and that stars fell. 

We all parked our cars. As I got out of the car with my friends there were already people lying in the middle of the road. It wasn't a large group, less than 20. It was dark. I found a clear spot and laid on my back. The asphalt was warm against my skin. I looked up and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust, and then the sky started to fall, slowly, piece by piece. I remember breathing consciously and wanting to remember the moment.

I have no idea how long we laid with the warm asphalt on our backs. I don't really remember getting back in the car or the drive home, that part gets blurred into a 100 of other nights we drove circles around town not trying to get anywhere, but to simply be somewhere. I do remember the moment we had on that hill when I felt small, and loved, and safe and scared of all of those feelings. When the heat of summer was cooled by the falling nights sky. When my biggest worries and fears were washed away by a meteor shower. 

Tonight I am feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by fear. Overwhelmed by hate. Overwhelmed by death. Overwhelmed by work. Overwhelmed by poverty. Overwhelmed by sickness. Overwhelmed by change. Overwhelmed by a culture that does not value justice. Overwhelmed with no where to go. 

And as I breathe, and breathe, and breathe, there is no meteor shower tonight to wash this feeling away. It is just me. here. now. 

Meteor showers happen when the earth burns up the debris that enters it's atmosphere, at least that's what google just told me. It turns cosmic trash into celestial fireworks. There is something beautiful about that, something almost healing. So tonight I will breathe. Tomorrow I will wake up and I will be my own meteor shower, I will let the light and life inside of me burn all the injustice I can. I will spark and flair. I will speak up and speak out. I will try to feel the safety of the desert night as I light up the sky. I remember what it feels like to passively watch a meteor shower happen and I ache to make change that lights up the night's sky.