Sometimes You Don't Get to Say Goodbye.

My uncle died a couple days ago, his name was Dick and he fit his name well. He was my mom's youngest brother and was my favorite uncle growing up. He had 3 boys and a stepdaughter but loved to spoil my sister and me. He would give us $20 bills to go down to Pixie Plaza Market at the beach to buy New York Seltzers and candy and would let us keep the change, we thought we were rich. He would take us to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk and let us play games and ride rides with us. He would sit for hours and play "Sorry" with me and right when I thought I was going to win, he would crush me. He never let me win, and I liked that. He was grumbley and silly and a little scary.

He died without knowing much about me as an adult. He decided a little over decade ago that he didn't like the way my mom took care of some matters for my grandmother, who she took care of with Alzheimer's. So he stopped talking to us and didn't go to his Mother's funeral. He was hurt and so he hurt us, mostly my mom.

Growing up I had this extended family that was fun and silly and fundamentally broken, but we loved each other and somehow I kept loving them and they stopped. They just stopped, with no goodbye. I don't know how to do that, how to stop loving a person that is my family. So I won't, but I will say goodbye.


Dear Uncle Dick and Family,

I love you. I have always loved that I am equal parts Townley and Roberson, because both sides are so different. I love the pride you take in the Townley name.  I love how much you love being Dr. Townley's son and grandchildren. I love that my Uncle Dick was larger than life and when he loved he loved bigger than anyone I knew.

I will never forget how I felt in your backyard with my Townley family surrounding me. There was lots of laughter and yummy food, games of cribbage, and I always hoped that among the chaos Uncle Dick would get in the pool and launch me into the air.

I will always treasure the childhood memories you gave me and I will love you until forever.

Love,
Sarah Mellon

One of my favorite memories of the Townley boys is when we went to see Goonies with Ami, Ken, Emi, Chip and Jon. So I thought I would include a picture where I look like Chunk from the Goonies. This picture also commemorates the moment I was no longer the baby of the family, Tomi!

So there you have it, my uncle died. I won't get to go to the funeral. I won't be able to hug his children or tell funny stories about when my dad pushed him in the pool or how I remember the smell of his cologne and cigarettes. I will grieve the loss of my uncle and I will treasure when he loved me.