I know there is a running theme in this blog of me not being able to take care of myself, and this is another lesson of me learning how to do just that.
Last week was crazy! It was a huge week at work and I chose to totally and completely ask for help. I reached out to all of my networks. I had church friends praying for me, work friends giving me advice, and felt like everyone was taking care of me. It was such an important week that I just kind of flew through it until Thursday night, when I pulled into my driveway and noticed my back door was open.
I came in and saw Polly was safe, but my TV was gone. I was on the phone with my parents and told them I was going to call 911, and then I did just that. The woman who answered my 911 call was amazing and told me to get out of the house and take my dog and sit in the car, so I followed directions. Moments later there were two police officers here and it was then I realized my big messy life produced a big messy house! The officers searched through my house and then had me walk in and tell them what was missing, they were concerned that the people who broke in had destroyed my bedroom, I knew that the mess in my bedroom was mine.
I walked through the house looking for all of my treasures and most of them were there. The only thing missing was my computer and TV. I went back outside while the officers looked for fingerprints and called my Little Rock Family, who my mother had already talked to. As the police officers left my Little Rock Family pulled up.
Moments later I was standing in my house with one of the people that I respect most in the world. He was looking at me with care because someone had taken my things, but also he could tell that I was not taking care of myself. Standing in my kitchen full of dirty dishes I could see his concern, but his kindness and lack of judgement was exactly what I needed. I packed my things and my dog and went to my Little Rock Family's home. There I was greeted with kindness, wine, and two little girls that were very sweet and very excited to have Polly sleep over.
That night we prepared for the big meeting I had the next day. I did not have time to process, I just kept going. Friday was a blur. Saturday I woke up in my bed in my messy bedroom on Valentine's Day feeling loved and embarrassed. I spent the day doing dishes, laundry, and learning that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of others.
I get so wrapped up in my work, my friends, my church, my people. That I choose not to take care of things at home, things that make me better, safer, healthier, happy. I have always been this way. I just close the door and move on to the things that I can help with, the things I can fix. But this week someone kicked the door in and my lack of self care was evident.
This whole process, this whole journey, is about making me better and healthier. I guess that means sometimes the door gets kicked in and you have to show the people you love and respect most that you are a mess. But fortunately they look at you with kindness, give you a safe place to heal, and help you clean up.
Oh and I have renters insurance, take it from me friends sometimes your house burns down and sometimes your door gets kicked in. Invest in renters insurance!